OTM gets to the bottom of the offseason’s most pressing issue.

As any good employee does, I spend a portion of my day killing the clock. Fortunately, my office has a view of Fenway Park, particularly the video board, and it’s nice to check in now and then to see what’s going on. On Thursday afternoon, as I was looking anywhere but my computer, I noticed something out of the ordinary. If you’re one of my coworkers and you’re reading this, I apologize. I’ll get to your expense reports soon, I promise.

Naturally, I spent the next several hours wondering who could be on the sticks at Fenway. Here are the suspects.

David Price

David Price is an infamous gamer. Despite being a part of one of the best baseball teams ever assembled, the media took issue with his habits, blaming video games for his injuries. Now, the media are once again looking for someone to blame for the quiet off-season. It’s the perfect opportunity for Price to return to Boston and fire up Fortnite, as a subtle middle finger to the radio hosts who crushed him again and again. It’s almost as if he’s saying, “Are you sure video games were the problem?”

Blake Snell

At the height of their fame, Van Halen used to request a bowl of M&Ms with all the brown pieces removed as part of their tour rider. They didn’t do this because they were diva rockstars and they could, but because they wanted to make sure the venues were reading and abiding by their complicated contract.

Right now, one of the hottest names on the free agent market is Blake Snell. Snell is a frequent contributor and a known video game lover. Could Snell be taking a page out of Van Halen’s book? If the Red Sox were willing to go to lengths to set up Fortnite on the Jumbotron, they’d probably do everything they can to keep him healthy and at the top of his game should he decide to join the Red Sox.

Craig Breslow’s Kids

I’m not going to dive too deep into Craig Breslow’s personal life, that would be weird, and I’d love to work for him someday. Mr. Breslow, if you’re reading this, I’d love some feedback about my Lucas Giolito or Kutter Crawford breakdowns. I also know Python. If you’re one of my coworkers and you’re reading this, don’t worry, I’m not leaving for the Red Sox (yet) and I’ll get to those expense reports.

Anyways, according to Wikipedia, Breslow has young-ish children. Maybe too young to be playing Fortnite if you’re going by the age rating, but any parent who goes by the age rating on the game is doing too much. One explanation is that he wanted to take his kids to the ballpark and show them what he does for work before they head back to school. Unfortunately, Jordan Montgomery showed up at the ballpark and said he wanted to take a huge discount to pitch in Boston, the Chief Baseball Officer had to keep his children occupied for a bit. He handed them off to an operations staffer while he drew up some paperwork, and they killed some time by playing Fortnite.

That one might be a little far-fetched, but I still had a couple of hours to kill until quitting time, so I thought of everything.

The Pod On Lansdowne Guys

Look at these three, you just know they’re up to some hijinks.

Someone Like Me

While it’s fun to come up with outlandish scenarios, the likely truth was it was some bored-at-work Fenway operations people trying to kill a few minutes. I’m assuming that’s not something they’ll get in any trouble for, and if it is I won’t take full responsibility, because they were playing on probably the biggest screen in the city. Not exactly doing a great job of being subtle, guys. Still, I sincerely hope I didn’t get anyone in hot water. After all, I was the one looking out the window at work, avoiding those expense reports.

UPDATE, 1/4/24, 11:35 PM: Well, the next time it happens we can consider LeBron James a suspect: